Can Purell be used as lube?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
