speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
