Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
