You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So drunk its hurt
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
