I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
