so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
