You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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