the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
