so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
