my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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