i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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