Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
