If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
