we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
