I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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