Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
