feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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