all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
