I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Two words: blizzard sex
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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