So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
