We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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