dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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