Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
