She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
