i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
love makes seman taste better
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
