i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
