Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Randomize
