I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
