Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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