my phone needs a breathalizer
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my being single is dangerous.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
