I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
