all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
