He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
