JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
