He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
