I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
we're so committed to being not committed
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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