if i can run in heels then i can drive
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
