This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
