I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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