Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
