I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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