Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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