Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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