I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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