She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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