wat bout pragnant strippers??
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
