I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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