the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
