and you said cock pushups were impossible
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
