the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Holy sore nipples Batman
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
