I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I want a musical about memes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
