i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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