rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
